Recently, I’ve noticed that some people get really upset when a public figure — known for bluntly cruel remarks and promoting hateful ideologies — dies and doesn’t receive the “proper” condolences (genuine or not).
I’m always amazed when people seem shocked that those of us who detested these figures’ comments and beliefs don’t shower them with thoughts and prayers.
But I’ve started to wonder if this outrage isn’t actually about decency or respect for the dead at all. If it were truly about respect for life, wouldn’t we see the same empathy when liberal politicians are attacked or when children are murdered in schools?
Maybe the reason some folks are so vocal with their sympathies is because, deep down, they agree with the hostile and malicious views of the deceased. Their sympathy may reveal that agreement — expressed through knee-jerk platitudes that many of us just can’t stomach, especially for people who made careers out of being mean, punching down, and hurting the vulnerable and marginalized.
I never wish for anyone to die. But I do hate bullies.
I have real sympathy for the friends and families of these figures — their pain is valid. But I refuse to shed a tear for a bully. If you are personally grieving, I respect that and don’t want to diminish your pain. This is about public figures and the culture around them, not private grief.
This is usually the part where people say, “If you agree with what they stood for, unfriend me.” I’m not going to say that.
I’ll just ask that if you agree with the vitriol and abusive ideas these people promoted, don’t tell me. I don’t need to know. I’m not saying you shouldn’t express your views — I welcome open discussion (my friends can tell you that!) — but I cannot accept racism, hate, xenophobia, misogyny, or just plain cruelty.
I genuinely want us all to get along despite our differences, even when we disagree on most political issues.
If I disagree with you on a hundred things, I’d rather focus on the three things we do agree on and leave the rest to be decided at the ballot box.
Staying connected and keeping communication open may be far more important than cutting off everyone with whom we disagree. So let’s keep talking. Let’s keep finding the small things we share — even if it’s just music, food, or a shared love for our pets — and use that as common ground. We don’t have to pretend to like everyone, but we can still choose to treat each other with decency. In the end, kindness costs nothing, and we could all use a little more of it.).
